I watched “Made For More” the other day on Amazon. It’s a movie about Rachel Hollis and her book and the Rise Conference that she hosts. (Side note: if you’ve seen the movie, comment below and let me know what you thought.) Public opinion on Rachel seems to be polarizing - either you love her or you hate her. I fall somewhere in the middle - not everything she says/writes resonates with me, but I appreciate the things that do. I get really motivated and inspired to do ALL the things when I listen to her speak. But alas, this post isn’t about her. It’s about me and how a quote by her husband, Dave Hollis, impacted me.
So, in the film, there’s a clip of Dave on stage at the Rise Conference. He’s giving a very moving speech and at one point he says something about the tie between growth and fulfillment: “You can find ways to short term create happiness, but if you are not growing, you will not be fulfilled.”
That was a mic drop moment for me. I’ve felt stagnant in my life for a long time. When I finally stopped to think about why, it was because I was afraid of failing. But that’s the thing about growth - sometimes you have to fail. Growth isn’t tied up nicely like an after school special. It’s raw and gritty and honest. So… here is my honest truth.
I hate to fail. So much so that when it happens, instead of learning and growing from it, I try to bury it as deep as it will go and forget the whole thing. Fail is a four-letter word to me, and so is risk. It makes me anxious to think of everything that can and will go wrong - and what people will think. But how can I expect to grow if I’m not willing to fail? And not only fail, but to also own that failure, learn from it, and try again. I’ve spent the past few years feeling stuck - emotionally, physically, creatively - but I never did anything about it. Admiring the problem, it’s my specialty.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this post other than to say it took me watching a movie about an influencer and listening to a quote from her husband in order to put a name to the uneasiness inside of me. To realize that I haven’t grown in the ways that I want to and that I have to put in the work if I want to see any results. Fertilizing the soil. Planting the seeds. Watering them. Feeding them. Pruning them. Nurturing them. Basking in the sun. Soaking up the rain. Repotting when I need to. Starting over when I have to. It takes time and all I’ve given myself is impatience and frustration and undefined benchmarks. I don’t want to be the tumbleweed anymore, I want to be the wind.
But how do you know where to go when you don’t even know what you want? I guess I’d better figure that out. Wish me luck as I put my big girl pants on and venture outside of my comfort zone.
[This post was inspired by a prompt from illuminate, a monthly writing program dedicated to shining a light on the creative within.]